How your listeners listen and remember
It dawned on me that I make an assumption in my speaking training. I spend a lot of time making sure every participant understands how their listener’s brain absorbs information, with the assumption that if they understand how their listener needs them to talk to get their point across, this will positively change the way they communicate.
For some people, this is true. They receive the training, they know how to practice correctly, and over time, they add to this skill. They become truly great communicators every time they speak.
For some, this is not true. They stay focused on themselves - getting through their material, being thorough, and being perceived as a subject matter expert. This is understandable, but not what the best communicators are focused on.
In a sense, this training makes you choose between excellence and comfort. The discomfort of disrupting a familiar speaking habit is temporary. If you keep practicing correctly, it becomes easier and more fun.
You move beyond just getting your ideas out, and know how to get your ideas INTO the mind of your listener.
Intentionally neurologically looping with your listener is an act of respect and is your brain’s neurological coordination system for speaking.
Maybe if you truly understand what is involved in listening and therefore retention, you will speak in sentences with a zip of silence in between. Consider the following:
5 Stages of Listening
When your listener is listening, they are going through these five stages. It can happen rapidly, but they need a moment (even a microsecond) of silence between sentences to process before you give them more information.
Receive
Understand
Evaluate
Respond
Remember
The Receiving Stage:
The first stage of the listening process is the receiving stage, which involves hearing and attending.
Hearing is the physiological process of registering sound waves as they hit the eardrum.
Attending is the process of accurately identifying particular sounds we hear as words and being able to discern breaks between words or speech segmentation.
Hearing + Attending = Receiving
The Understanding Stage (comprehension):
The listener determines the context and meanings of the words that are heard.
The Evaluating Stage:
The listener critically assesses the information received from the speaker.
This evaluation allows them to form an opinion.
Evaluating will affect their ideas, decisions, actions, and/or beliefs.
The Responding Stage:
The speaker looks for responses from the listener to determine if their message is being understood and/or considered. The speaker can choose to either adjust or continue with the delivery of the message.
Responding adds action to the listening process, which would otherwise be outwardly passive.
The Remembering Stage:
The listener categorizes and retains the information from the speaker.
Memory:
The remembering stage occurs as the listener categorizes and retains information for future access. This allows the listener to record information for later recall. This happens during and after the speaker’s delivery. This is what you want!
Speakers should try to stimulate memory in their listeners for more thorough recall. Making associations to past remembered information can help a listener understand what they are currently hearing in a wider context.
Also, using information immediately after receiving it enhances information retention and lessens the forgetting curve.
The Zip & Watch part of this speaking training is the key part of the listener’s ability to Evaluate & Respond and therefore Remember what you said.
Remember, you are talking to minds. Your target, when you speak, is the mind of your listener.
Key Brain Regions for Memory:
Look at the brain regions for memory storage. A pretty remarkable system.
Hippocampus:
This seahorse-shaped structure within the temporal lobe is crucial for forming and consolidating new memories.
Cerebral Cortex: (specifically the Neocortex)
This is where long-term memories are distributed and stored over time.
Frontal Lobes:
These act as temporary storage for short-term or working memory, holding information briefly while you perform tasks.
Cerebellum:
This part of the brain stores procedural or skill-based memories, such as how to ride a bike or play an instrument. (This is what we access on Day 1 of the speaking intensive)
Amygdala:
This area is responsible for adding emotional significance to memories, influencing memory consolidation.
How it Works Together: Formation, Transfer & Consolidation, Retrieval
Formation:
The hippocampus is involved in the initial encoding of new memories.
Consolidation:
Over time, these memories are transferred and consolidated into the broader cerebral cortex for long-term storage.
Retrieval:
You can access and use these memories from the various cortical regions where they are stored.
When I’m helping a client develop their talk, we have to keep this process in mind. Knowing that if your listener has accessed their amygdala because they have tapped into an emotionally significant memory or feeling, they will remember what you said more easily. Instead of just “informing clients” of product enhancement, it’s important to know how you want them to feel.
“When someone feels thoroughly understood, you release potent forces for change within them.”
Psychologist Carl Rogers
Note – not agreed with, but understood.
This understanding releases neuro-chemicals within the brain (oxytocin/serotonin).
When you feel thoroughly heard, you feel less adversarial.
As a speaker, when you demonstrate understanding and articulate the other side's POV, you can say how they feel aloud.
They will either say, “Yes, that’s it,” or will articulate further.
This is key information for you to build upon!
Take some time to marinate in this information. I hope it helps connect you to your listeners when you speak. You talk all day long. There are a multitude of conversations to practice in.