Think Feel Know
When I’m coaching someone who is heading toward a keynote or a particularly stressful communication situation, part of what I’m doing is aligning their nervous system so they feel free to respond to reality while under pressure. I’m not interested in them being perfect. Perfection has no place here. I offer freedom. Freedom to connect and excel under pressure.
Brain-based coaching is profound in that it works with the best of who you are, rather than teaching you coping mechanisms that will wear out their welcome, often at the worst times.
The model I’m exploring here, "Think Feel Know," is a framework for understanding communication and decision-making. It is based on a simplified neurological concept of the brain.
This post focuses on knowing which part of the brain you are operating from at any given time, knowing what type of listener you are addressing, and what needs to be present for your confidence to show and grow.
Yes, the drawing above is a model of the brain for children. Enjoy!
3 main areas of the brain:
Thinking Layer:
The thinking layer of the brain is the cortex, the gray outer mass with its distinct left and right sides.
It’s where we operate by logic, data, structure, precision, and method.
It’s clinical and objective, and the area in which we create and follow the rules of self-engagement.
It’s where we try to make sense of our everyday existence and what separates humans from other species.
Feeling Layer:
The feeling layer is in the limbic region in the middle of the brain.
It’s about energy, sensing, feeling, emotion, and relationships.
It works with immediate experiential data collected via the senses and is the region of the brain that is most immediately linked to the heart.
It can be referred to as the mammalian brain, and in evolutionary terms, it gave us the capability and desire to form family groups.
Knowing Layer:
The knowing layer, the basal region, sits just above the spinal column and is the oldest part of the brain.
It is sometimes referred to as the reptilian brain. It is the world of instincts, intuition, and gut responses.
Look at your prevalent communication style. Which region is exerting the most influence on your behavior? When I’m creating or prepping for a workshop, I am using the thinking layer. When I’m in the moment, coaching a client, I’m operating from the feeling and knowing layers. We all shift between the various layers of the brain depending on circumstances. When I’ve spent too much time in the thinking layer, I can feel it. I seek balance and know I need to get outside and move.
In general:
Primary Thinkers tend to be orderly and structured in their approach, seeking clarity in rules and comfort in method.
Primary Feelers operate very much in the moment and are energetically sensitive to their immediate environment. They can be warm, passionate, and creative.
Primary Knowers take a position quickly. They just want to get things done, get to the point, and not get distracted by fuss and irrelevance.
Notice the fluidity of this model. You may identify with all three depending on the situation. Understanding how and why you move between the states will give you insights into your behavior and that of those around you.
Know Your Listeners:
It’s very useful to understand which primary state your listener is in. Are you speaking to leadership? Your partner? Your children? What primary state are they in?
Thinkers like clarity, method, detail, and rationale.
Feelers like energetic connection and engagement.
Knowers will make up their minds very quickly, so get to the point, or you will lose them.
Imagine talking to a leader who is in a knowing state, and you are coming to them with a lot of detail. You might stress them out! Tell them what they are most concerned about, build trust, and they will be able to hear the details. Imagine talking to a group of thinkers with your great personality and energetic connection, but without clarity of thought and an ordered delivery of information, and they may not be able to engage with you. Know thyself, know thy audience.
Everyone wants to feel more confident when they speak, but how exactly does this confidence build and grow?
How to build confident performance:
Confidence is a physiological phenomenon. It is something we feel at a deep level in the body. It cannot be faked. Confidence comes when the thinking, feeling, and knowing parts of the brain are aligned.
The Thinking Brain has mastered the techniques required to succeed.
The Feeling Brain has practiced them to a point of advanced refinement where it starts to feel “natural”.
The Knowing Brain knows it has the solution and is therefore entirely focused on the successful outcome.
A professional athlete will have trained long and hard to acquire and then master the coordination system of their sport. They will become confident if they can execute without fear or anxiety. Public exposure is an energetic experience; the senses are aroused and will hijack performance if not underpinned by a personal belief in the outcome.
Preparing the Brain for Communication:
Thinking: Align your thinking. Know why you say what you say and why it needs to be in this particular order.
Feeling: Practice the coordination system of speaking until it starts “feeling natural”.
Knowing: Have a vision. Picture it and internalize it. The knowing, basal region of the brain needs to visualize the outcome and feel part of it.
My hope with this newsletter is that you take a moment to digest the content and then put it into immediate use. Take a moment to notice what primary state you are in right now. Thoughts or reactions you want to share? I love hearing from you.
Next week’s newsletter focuses on what our listeners’ brains go through to digest and retain our words. It’s astounding and key to know when you are the one talking.
Special thanks to and excerpts from:
Clive Hyland, author of “Connect: Through Think Feel Know”